Many nights I end up surfing for softcore porn to watch for the five or so minutes it takes to fondle myself and fall asleep, but last night, in the absence of such programming, I stumbled across Big Brother After Dark. Why I began watching it? I could lie to myself and say I was hoping to catch a random shot of tits, but I think we all know I was actually drawn to the theatrics of fictional voyeurism. It may come as a surprise to you, but I’d never seen any Big Brother before this and up to this point I had blindly asked how could anyone ever be interested in such inane bullshitery? After being glued to my television for upwards of two hours (two hours I should have been sleeping, no less) I no longer ask such a ridiculous question.
It’s subliminal hypnosis. There’s no other answer. Why else would I, a seemingly heterosexual male, choose to subject myself to mindless rants from liquored-up skanks met with empty empathy from unassuming dudes? I mean how often can women really crawl into bed, hug a pillow and cry into it? It’s not humanly possible. Then there’s those pre-taped outros from Julie Chen’s bobble head looking to have been hammered by the fuckup shovel. As I droned on, blankly fixated, I tried to ignore the fact that two chicks look like they could be related to me, one reminds me of a girl I new in high school (slutty bitch), the black guy looks like a druggie I got into a fight with in school (pothead bastard), and the old man creeps me the hell out (bicycle shop). It’s like an even less understandable game of The Sims that you can’t control… if you could, I have a feeling there’d be a whole lot of putting’em in a doorless room till they die.
Could someone please explain to me, without referring to Orwellian thought police or the fact that 1984 lends more to this shitty show than the base for its name, why is Big Brother such a freaking big deal? Are there really that many sheeple out there?
Filed under: Jumping to conclusions | Tagged: Big Brother, liquored-up skanks, Orwellian, sheeple, thought police
To quote The Who: “I can’t explain.”
Rove, you’re supposed to have the answers… you promised me…
Ok…I hate to admit this, but I do actually watch BB. My friend got me started watching it a few years back and now I watch it every season. The actual show is better than After Dark.
The old man is definitely creepy.
You’ve fallen under the spell! Quick, grab a chicken and do some cartwheels.
“Demon, be gone! Be gone, demon!”
I watched the british version, the 1st season, i think, when I was bored with a baby in the UK. It was cool for the first one, then got wierd. Blah. There ARE that many sheeple.
See? Fiona knows what’s up.