With all the focus on Jason Giambi’s mustachioed mug, and the fact that the humidity here is murder on a bearded man such as myself, I decided to shave off my 2+ month-old face sweater… all but the mustache, that is. That’s right, I’m perfectly fit to deliver a hot pizza to some young meat-lover at some cheap motel in an independent porno. Not that I wasn’t a damn good fit before, but now I’m probably going to be actively pursued for AVN award-caliber vehicles.
So, anyway, I shaved down everything but my clit-tickler and, while I’m no Seth Rogen in Superbad (those handlebars kicked ass) by any means of the imagination, I must say it looks decent. With that said, I was always taught (by the drunken hobos I partied with as a child) that the curtains should match the drapes. At the time I didn’t think it wise to take interior design tips from a man who’s choices had amounted to no more than that of a refrigerator, but I’ve come to realize the wisdom in those slurred words.
Therefore, I gathered together some shaving gel, a disposable razor and let down my pants and became confused (not the first time). This is where your sage advice comes in handy: in the face-to-crotch comparison equation; where exactly does the penis fit in? (also not the first time I had to ask that) You know what I mean, right? Is it a mouth, or is it a nose? You see, if it’s a nose (which I believe is always the case in similar situations for pranks and/or portraits) then the mustache would be placed underneath just so. How’s that going to look? It would be hidden (unless it’s a might cold out) and we can’t have that. Then it’d just look like I’m some Portuguese gigolo out on the town looking for white women and Mexican men. The way I see it is the mustache should be placed on top, out there where it can have its presence known. Although, I can see how some would disagree. Then, all of a sudden, I’m Johnny Crazy-Crotch with the unibrow penis. I don’t know about you, but I can’t be having that on me.
I’m kind of falling out of love with this whole idea. Seriously, what if the fad moves on and I’m stuck here with Giambi balls and it’s parachute pants all over again. Even though I’ve decided against it, I’d still like to know, which is it? A mouth?… or a nose?
A nation waits, people.
Filed under: Me | Tagged: handlebars, Jason Giambi, Johnny Crazy-Crotch, mouth, mustache, nose, parachute pants, shaving
“unibrow penis”
That is a powerfully weird image!!
Do both. Then when a lady comes calling, ask her which she likes better and shave the other one.
Weird image, indeed, Jerry, but it’s better to think it than to wear it.
Rove, if I wait for that… I’ll be waiting for much much too long… Although I could ask a hooker. They’re always helpful. I remember this time when I was choking and this one gave me the Heimlich. Sure, she wanted a c-note for her trouble and I wouldn’t have given it to her except I did get my o-face going. I still say it had more to do with asphyxia than with her, but that’s how it goes sometimes.
I say treat it as a nose and put the mustache underneath. If you don’t like that, shave it off and let the hair grow on top. It’s not like you’re making a permanent decision here.
You know, you’re right, Gracie. I could be mistaken for the wolfman, to be honest.
You’ve put an awful lot of thought into this Normyface….. just take it all off…. and get rid of the clit tickler too. Theyre skeevy.
Finolabones… I’m falling victim to thinking I wear the mustache well, but my beard grows fast and I’m much too lazy to shave it everyday. So it’ll be back to usual soon.